Musings from the Ozone

What brings people together after not seeing each other for 30 or 40 years? Last week, my sister and I attended the funeral of a dear lady from our far distant past. She had been a pillar of the assembly, and her wonderful Christian character was noted throughout the service by all her family members, as well as her many friends.

It was mentioned that the thread running through all of the lives of the attendees at the funeral, was the church on 18^th and Cortland Blvd., in Jackson, Michigan. That church was Christian Temple. Our lives intersected there when we were all about 13 -17 years of age and as teen-agers we all became extremely close to one another. This lady, lying in that casket, had played a huge part in the shaping of our lives. She had been a mother figure to most of us and we had divulged many of our personal woes and questions about life to her. She had been a calm, spiritual source of comfort to all of us teen-agers and all of us had viewed her as a mother in Zion. Although she was up in years; 89 to be exact, her influence had molded many of us early in life.

Now, we sat and looked at each other, only to realize that we were all in the shoes of the generation that was swiftly passing away. Sitting down at a lovely luncheon that had been prepared for us, I looked across the table at a friend who had been my closest friend and confidante when I was but 15 years of age. First, there is the physical aspect to take into consideration. Had I changed as much to her as she had changed to me? Looking past our wrinkles, white hair and heavier bodies, we saw into the eyes of each other, and there remained that little girl personality, buried underneath the heavy burdens of responsibilities. We began to reminisce over the old days. We didn’t talk about what all had transpired in the 40 years since seeing each other; we wanted to drink again at the fountain of youth!

We started laughing almost automatically when we remembered the pranks we had played on each other. Did she remember the time when Alfred drove us down a dark country road and turned his headlights out, ornery-like, trying to scare us out of our wits? The memories of our youth were so much more fun to remember than we realized! Turning to another friend, I reminded him of when I put on his huge shoes and walked around the room, only to learn that I caught his plantar’s warts and had to go to the doctor for several months after that. We laughed so much over the silliness of our youthful escapades.

I thought we would feel sad when we felt the pressing years showing in our faces and bodies, but contrarily, we felt anything but sad! Instead, we rejoiced at seeing each other again. We were interested in seeing how the years had aged us for the good or for the bad. We had to admit, if only to ourselves, that it had been good for some of us, and miserable for others. However, the joy of seeing each other again after so many years, tended to wash out all the bad memories of things that had transpired in our lives. We may have thought of some things, because seeing a person triggers many memories, but age has a way of leveling the playing field, as they say. We don’t have as many years ahead of us as we do looking back. No one in that room that day could honestly expect to live another 40 years since that would put us in the 100+ category. Not many would want to live that long unless they could expect a very healthy mind and body. Sadly, as we took stock of ourselves at this age of the game, we would have to admit that the body tends to let us down slowly, as if it hates to be a traitor to us, but, never-the-less it will do it anyway. No one that day related one bad thing about themselves. There were no stories about high blood pressure, operations, diseases, etc. We wanted to appear as if we were still strong, healthy, energetic, full of life, bouncy, lively, happy and content in what lives we are now living; as if to grasp at that 15 year old kid personality once again.

However, there is one factor that I must mention; we were now also very intuitive and sharp about innuendos, facial expressions, one’s aura, sighs or general postures. We noticed and could interpret subtle reflections and reactions much more than we did when we were young kids. In fact, when we were young, we tried diligently to understand those subtle gestures, but truthfully, we didn’t have a clue. We sought the advice of each other in relation to the interpretation of our actions. More than once, we had to approach the lady whose funeral had just taken place, because she had been a fountain of wisdom and knowledge for us. We just had to talk everything over with a wise person (albeit, never our parents) for we were scared to misjudge our friends too harshly. Now, as mature adults, we did not need to ask anyone what something meant. We could read through the tiniest clue as to what was being portrayed, just by observing such subtle things as glances, expressions or even twitches. Such is the added blessing of age. One has learned, at maturity, more than they are ever aware of.

No doubt, in time, we might have poured out our latest life experiences, but when there is not much time in a reunion, you do not want to spoil the occasion with heaviness. We noticed those that didn’t talk much. We had to go on the personality that we remembered 40 years ago. None of us seemed to have changed our basic personality character; even if we were chameleons, we had known each other as teens without masks. Some things about our individual character cannot be hidden from friends of 40 years ago. We all seemed to have improved in some areas of our lives, but other character flaws remained stronger than ever. In particular, one of our old friends had a materialistic bent to her personality, and through the years that tendency grew stronger than ever. It was a noticeable cover-up as a young person, for she had come from a poor home and was embarrassed of it. She used things to cover up her lack of confidence. She used things as a way to protect herself from any rejection. That trait had become more noticeable than ever. In fact, it was in the conversation she spoke that revealed to us that she was the same person as before. The speech betrays one. When old friends meet and they begin to brag on cars, second homes, jobs, etc., it is not a very deep conversation, and their true personality becomes emerged beneath materialism.

The whole event brought me back to a certain paradigm in my life that I have not lived in for more than 40 years. Why I felt both exhilarated and yet distant from this past life has made me ponder and muse over it for a few days. I know I have changed remarkably. So have my many friends from those days, but unmistakably and unquestionably I sensed that we all still shared something in common. It was more than the fact that we all knew the lady in the casket. It was more than just sharing the memories of the church on 18^th and Cortland Blvd. It was some powerful, influential and life-molding teaching that we had received in that church. We received our spiritual education from our wonderful pastor and elders, such as was the lady in the casket.