Musings from the Ozone

Name please; address; telephone number; on and on it goes when people begin to ask us for identification.  I am reminded of my feelings concerning my identity when I first got married.  I was working at Foote Hospital in Jackson, Michigan, and I was already 'tagged' with an identification card.  Identity was not as stringent as it is now days.  We are 'blessed' (?) with computer number identities, finger scans, eye scans and I will stop with going out on that limb, until I explain why I felt so weary about my identity when I first got married.  I thought, rather naively, that accepting my husband's last name (a real challenge, for it was a rather unusual name) would be all anyone would need to know after I had gotten married.  Little did I realize that when one accepts a partner's name in marriage, there would suddenly be a slew of new identification tags stuck to them. 

First, let me say that I had lived with the identity of being the daughter of a preacher.  I was looked at differently than any of the other youth in the church.  At times, I felt important with this special niche in life, but at other times, especially when some of the older members in the church rebuked me for some infraction of the rules, with "you're  the preacher's daughter!" I felt rather like being a fish in a fish bowl.   In that place in life, there are more eyes looking on your actions than you know about. 

I never worried much about my identity of being the niece of the district superintendent, but I am sure that was noticed also.  My previous string of boyfriends had been more aware of that identity tag than I was.  Young people are often blissfully unaware of their image, and that can be ambiguously dangerous to do so.  By that, I mean it can be a blessing to be unaware of the judgments people pass on you. You will not act in a stilted or affected way.   The other side of the equation is that being aware of the tag, "preacher's daughter, superintendent's niece,"  can be a built-in governer, for you know that you may reflect something on your father or uncle and because of that thought, you really behave yourself.

 Suddenly, I was at the moment of becoming a preacher's wife.  The excitement of being a 'preacher's wife'  came just after the thrill of being married to this exciting person.  I had always felt I would marry a preacher, so this little ramble of thoughts has nothing to do with the romance, or marriage side of things.  It has everything to do with a change of my identity (again!)  Now, suddenly, people were looking to me as having a special elevated place in life.  We would go to churches for revivals, and perfect strangers would treat me like Queen Elizabeth.  They would want to usher me down to the front seats, park me beside other dignitaries, and give me royal treatment.  I was almost in shock that just because I had entered into marriage, it meant that I would suddenly be identified as a different person.

I can only imagine how a president must feel when he first takes the oath of office; after spending a lifetime before being just a governor, or just a senator, etc.  Although a president-to-be knows there  will be a switch in his image and that there will be a perceptual change of respect from the population, to a young bride who becomes a preacher's wife, there is no such warning (usually), or at least there was no such advice giver around to tell me I would never be perceived again as the single, unattached girl I had been.   The change of identity was not gradual.  It was sudden and over night to me!  I will admit that my family and close friends still thought of me as 'Jenny' and they did not give me any new respect, but we had left our home city to begin evangelizing around the country, so it was the strangers that looked at me as a young spiritual companion to a spiritual leader.  I wasn't immediately aware of their perceptions, but after being asked questions, many times; questions that can only be judged as being in the realm of spiritual of things, I slowly began to realize that they were expecting me to be congruent with a role of a preacher's wife.  I usually abdicated all my answering to my husband.  After all, he was the preacher, and I was not about to usurp any of his authority.  Well, that excuse only worked for so long.  If we are going to adopt an identity, as I did through marriage, it is very hard to relegate all the identity of  the couple;  a couple who supposedly work for the Kingdom of God, to just one person in the union.  There are spill-over attributes from each person in a marriage, and soon they begin to meld their personalities into new and enhanced identities.

I must back up that statement with an observation.  My son-in-law's mother is a doctor.  When I began to know him better, I could not help but realize that he also knew many medical terms, and had even  absorbed some of his mother's ability to diagnose medical problems.   He had been exposed to doctor's conversations for years on end ,so he knew the names of many medicines and important medical procedures.  I know he did not claim to be a doctor or to even be interested in the medical field, but didn't the close symmetry of their relationship cause much spill-over knowledge? 

Identity cannot stop with the person; there are countless additional factors that splash onto our total person.  In fact, what is 'total' about us, ever? Let me philosophize some more here……After I became identified as a 'preacher's wife,' my husband and I went on to produce a nice size family.  We had 4 children, and in today's terms that would probably  inflate to about 10 children. (Just kidding!)  But the identities  of my husband and myself changed drastically with each child.   Our first child was born 3  years after marriage.  I did not want to wait that long, and was a little unaware that when the baby would finally arrive, I would take on one of the biggest identity changes of my life!  I had become a mother, and as such I had to accept all of the connotations associated with the word.  Being the mother of one child is quite a different identity than being the mother of  4 children.  My identity from motherhood stayed a that juncture for many years.

There are so many other identities that can be assumed through the years.  I am not talking about false identities here.  We all fear having our identities stolen, and there is great apprehension were  someone to fake our I.D.s.'   The identities in this instance have to do with credit, Social Security, and all other monetary issues.

No, there are identities or additional roles that we assume throughout our lives, and sometimes it is referred to as 'wearing different hats.'  Have you ever been a mature student in a college?  Your identity tag states that you now have access to the college library, or to the online special archives of the college.  You can park on the campus now, because you have a ID that will give you permission.  Having some special identifying factor to your status can bring great privileges.  Some identity factors can also bring great stigma and shame.  Suppose you have been identified with having TB, or A.I.D.s? There are many people in isolation wards today because they have been identified as having a contageous disease.

Many identities are transient……..you are only with a job for a season, and would not want to be labeled a tomato factory worker for a life time.  Yet, there are definitely some ID's that we will wear and they are to be permanent.  If you are married, your marriage should be a part of your identity  for as long as you and your mate are living.  If you should lose a limb, you will have to wait until science figures a way to grow a new limb; meanwhile you will have to accept the permanence of your handicapped ID.  The greatest and  most important ID you could ever assume is when you decide to live for the Lord.  When your lifestyle bespeaks 'Christian,' your ID will be the most pronounced ever.  It will splash over to your friends and relatives.   Even  your enemies will behave differently!  The will watch you, avoid you or persecute you.  But, the people around you will never act the same around you again--your new ID makes them either excited if they have the same ID, or back up and run from you, if you are showing the Christian ID.  What is our most pronounced identity?  There is no such thing as a total and finished identity.  There will always be changes and new passages of life in which to enter, or exit.  The important  reminder must be that when we grow, we should assume newer and greater talents which add to the perfect identity of a Christian.