Musings from the Ozone

I very nearly labeled this blog entry "Aftershocks," but then I realized that word would be associated with earthquakes, when I am merely  wanting to explore the psychological reactions one may feel after the death of a loved one!  So, I will continue with the milder approach of the 'after effects' of death.

 When I was a young person, the age of 80 or 90 years seemed very remote, and truthfully, I didn't know many people who reached that age.  Now days, because of good medical care, good food, good lifestyles, or whatever else may be attributable to living long lives, many people are reaching the ripe old age of 90+ years most frequently these days.  To think that retirement age is supposed to be 65, seems almost laughable, because few people are sitting in rocking chairs at that age, or actually retiring from their work or activity.  I mention this 'age' business only because recently, two of my favorite aunts passed away, and one had reached the age of 93, (the same age that my mother had reached when she passed away 3 months ago) and the other aunt reached 85 years of age.

As my discourse here is not about age, it is about how death can still shock us in the manner in which it comes. There was a sad difference between a vibrant 85 year old passing away with scarcely any warning, and the 93 year old who dies of a lengthy sickness or just dies of old age. Generally, when we reach mature years, we know if we have heart trouble, or some other disease. But, when death comes without much warning, aside of an accident, it can render shock to us. 

I just attended  those 2 funerals, and the first funeral was for my aunt June, aged 85. Her funeral was  only 3 months after my precious mother had passed away, so we had pictures of aunt June at my mother's funeral looking lovely with her beautiful white hair and a black fur scarf draped on her shoulders.  The lady was just beautiful and looking down at my own beautiful mother in her casket, no one would believe that aunt June would not be with us for at least another 10 or more years!  She and her husband had driven 700 miles to be at my mother's funeral.  A few months before that she had purchased a house back in her home town, and even had all the furniture shipped there all the way from California!  After my mother's funeral, she had invited me to look at the newly furnished house and it was so lovely.  I felt amazed to see the work this lady had accomplished and all from a long distance at 85 years of age!

 What was the real shock, and could be called nearly as tragic to us as an earthquake, was the revelation that Aunt June had a hidden cancer working in her body.  One day she woke up in horrible pain, and was diagnosed as having cancer.  Once the biopsies came back, the terrible news came back that the cancer was inoperable. How could this be? The next shock that reached our ears was that she would only have about 2 months to live.  All her immediate family gathered around to comfort her, while she slipped into a near coma state.  Unbelievably, she was gone within 3 weeks.  How can the human mind comprehend such a shock?  This wonderful aunt was the matriarch of her family, and a more talented and beloved member of our family one could not find.

 Scarcely had we arrived in town to attend her funeral, than we heard that another aunt, on my father's side of the family, had passed away that very day.  Her funeral would only be 2 days away from the first aunt's funeral!  These ladies were my mentors; the first was a mentor to me while I was a teen-ager, and the second aunt was a mentor to me in my first few years of marriage.  Aunt Betty was a strong and powerful woman in her own way. She could be quiet, and not reveal the inner workings of her mind, but when she spoke it would be words of a very wise woman.  She was witty too.  She could be a sober and quiet soul, but to me and other friends she could be so entertaining and fun to be with. 

 A preacher at my aunt Betty's funeral remarked that aunt Betty once called him down off the platform to tell him: "God heals anything but old age!"  She was always so wise and witty!  Aunt Betty had been sick a while but was still very lucid.  At her funeral, my mind seemed to wander back to the '60's when we spent so much time with her.  She was always ready to go shopping, and I loved to go with her.  She always bought stylish suits and I would sit and wait for her while she would try them on. I could still see her coming out of the fitting room in a candy red suit!  With her black hair she looked just stunning!   I just cannot picture her in the hospital gowns, and nursing home garb that she would have been wearing when she passed from this earth.

 Those 'after effects' actually started at the funerals.  While my aunt June had shocked us all by her sudden demise, the huge family coped with it by remembering all the good times. They told many funny things that had happened; her relatives played and sang an upbeat and uplifting song at the funeral and they all participated in the service.  While there was grief, it was going to have long lasting affects, but the funeral itself would not be the place to be morbid or down in the mouth.  My aunt June wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

 My aunt Betty's funeral however, was much quieter, and there was some crying.  It was not loud or the sobbing type of crying, rather it was the quiet tears that were shed for a woman who had impacted many lives.  It was sweetly somber.  There were a few cute incidents mentioned, but on the whole, it was done by other folk rather than the family. Perhaps it was bringing back the grief for Betty's son who had died 11 years ago, and had been their pastor, or even the death of her husband who, greatly loved by many,  had been the pastor of this congregation, who was now also missed along with Betty in this funeral.  Whatever the reason, the effects of this death took a different approach in the service.  It was different than the first aunt's funeral, but just as fitting to her as the other funeral had been to aunt June.  I chalk it up to the chemistry of different personalities.  No funeral can be exactly the same in feeling and tone.  What will be the same is the fact that there will be the 'after effects.'

As I ponder my own 'after effects,' I found myself crying at aunt June's funeral for my own mother. She was the sister to aunt June, and had died just those 3 months earlier. My mother had been the eldest sister of her 7 siblings, and was like a surrogate mother to aunt June since their own mother had died at the early age of 47 years.  Now that aunt June had passed away, I felt like my last grip on that whole family and generation had also slipped away.  I didn't really want to tell anyone that my tears were for also for my mother.  I did cry for aunt June too.  I loved her so much!

 The effects of aunt Betty's death have stirred in me a different kind of effect and emotion.  Suddenly, I realized how quickly our lives pass, and I have a cousin (Betty's daughter and my cousin) with whom I had lost contact.  At the funeral, as I hugged her, she was weeping so much, that I decided I would keep in closer contact with her.  These" after effects" must be that we will do better with our own lives!  We shouldn't lose touch with our families!  We must remember that our own lives will also have "after effects" on people!