What Nicky Doesn't Understand about "Being Real"
Nicandra Diaz Santillana, young woman who had managed to get to the United States from Mexico illegally, has ruined her chances for a legal future in the state. This was all brought about because she had a 'fake' identity and managed to get employment with her lies. Working papers that she had presented to the employment agency, were falsified and forged. She had a fake Social Security card and a fake drivers license. The pain she has caused her employer, Meg Whitman, by those lies, could ultimately ruin Meg Whitman's chances at becoming the governor of California. The great immigration issue is worsened by folks who cross the border illegally, falsify their papers, and basically see no harm done by breaking our laws! Thus the subject of being "real" over being "fake," has manifested to the world what lying can do.
Realism is a term that I suspect we have all come to think of as the practical understanding of life rather than the idealistic view of life. In Philosophy, it is a belief that there is an objectively existing world, and it exists outside of our minds or imaginations. The term has been invented, and re-invented many times, since philosophers such as George Berkeley (1685-1753) stated that there are no true physical, material things; rather it is all imagined in our minds. If we were to go out of a room, it would cease to exist, because we would not be able perceive it in our minds. Of course, he was greatly ridiculed, and that philosophy was debunked. It did open up our minds to the realization that there are things that are imagined, and felt, although there are no physical or notable proofs. One cannot dwell on things like ghosts, apparitions, etc., and be considered 'realistic.'
However, 'realistic', in the generic and common interpretation of the word, is what we all should desire. Realism speaks of being pragmatic about our native abilities. It speaks of understanding the common problems and woes of man, but working at the inequities of life in a productive way. It speaks of being true to ourselves as well as to others. It speaks of reaching and attaining a balance in our lives. It speaks of striving for personal independence in our financial, emotional and physical lives. We know that being 'real' and being liked is important to people. A dynamic speaker recently said, "I'm the 'real deal!" There are so many clichés regarding being 'real.' We hear things like; "this is where the rubber meets the road," " honest as the day is long, what you see is what you get," and so on." People do know someone who is real, even though they may not have thought what it is that makes them so. How could we trust people with our homes, and lives, if they lied about their very basic papers? If they would lie about something so important as who they are, who is to say they wouldn't steal, cheat and perform other equally disgusting behaviors when working for us?
As Christians, we know what the Word of God says about this behavior. Put simply, it is sin. For people who are not Christians, and practice deception, they can become paranoid over who may be cheating them. When they are cheating, they think everyone is cheating them! When they practice lying, they are incensed to think that someone is lying to them. Why should they expect anyone to be real, when they themselves are not 'real?"
Having written that, I would have to say that it appears that there are some principles that are relevant to 'being real.' I am sure that my readers have some principles they could add to this, but here is a start:
- An honest, 'real' person keeps his or her word.
- How many times do we feel let down when person talks expansively about what they will do for us, yet, when they are under contract, or just observation, they renege on their word? Why do they not perform as they promised, but expect people to just overlook and forgive their shortcomings?
- An honest, 'real' person does not lie.
- Their talk is not highly embellished with fanciful adjectives, false expressions, and lies, or even borderline lies. They do not show off as if they are performing on a stage. On a daily basis, and as a "real person," they are not clamoring for attention through lies and embellishments. Eventually, people will see through their falseness.
- A realistic person does not have a narcissistic personality.
- I studied this type personality when I took a course in Abnormal Psychology. It goes further than just self-admiration, which is also a problem in itself. A narcissist has an overestimation of his or her own appearance and abilities. They are not satisfied with average friendships; they look to people that they think are equal to their 'idealistic' view of themselves. They only want to be accepted by what the think are the most important of people, as if it would bring them more credence as a person. Those that they feel are beneath them, are only their friends if they are 'useful' to their lives. They can be abusive and outrageous, trying to reach their un-real, idealistic, and narcissistic goals.
- A realistic-type person, can be very brilliant, highly educated, and greatly talented with extra-ordinary abilities, but they will remain humble about their achievements.
- True wisdom will let other people discover their great abilities. When a person constantly toots his or her own horn, people will soon tire of the braggadocio.
Those are just a few principles that I feel are important in order to be a 'real' person. Being real does not give a person permission to be an ugly personality, selfish, cantankerous, hateful, spiteful, snobbish, or any other negative type personality. However, if even that ugly personality is consistently that way, it is easier to deal with their true honest self, than with a person who is fake through and through.
Poor Nicky. What is most painful is that because she has a record of being a liar, no one can believe her when she is trying to tell the truth.
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